September's Poem -- For Daniel

For Daniel

Your journey ended sooner than we thought

We didn’t know about the demons you fought

You may not like the tears, but we can’t hold them back

It means that we know what we now lack

You entertained us and eased our pain

We only wish we could have done the same

Though we may never understand all of it

We’ll always remember your quick wit

Your words and music brought laughter and smiles

We didn’t know it but your world was full of trials

We will always remember you and what you stood for

In our mind, you’ll always be a man of lore

Good bye Daniel, rest now in peace

We know your pain has now ceased

You’ll live on in our minds and our hearts

And cherish all that you created; all of your beautiful art

In memory of Daniel Kyre 1994-2015

I know I've been MIA but school's been hard for me.  I do want to continue writing poems once a month though, even if they're dumb.  :)

This poem is about someone who I just discovered this year.  I watch a YouTube gamer/actor/vlogger by the name of Markiplier.  He recently moved in with some guys who did sketch comedy, Ryan and Daniel, by the name Cyndago.  Unfortunately Daniel passed away last month due to an apparent suicide attempt.  It was really hard on the guys and they all took a break to deal with their feelings and give them time to grieve.  Mark has recently been uploading videos again and seems to be in a great place.  They actually all seem to be in a great place, but Ryan and Matt (who has a channel called Kids W/ Problems and recently joined Cyndago and is Mark's editor) are taking a little bit more time before they start coming back to YouTube.  Ryan announced that Cyndago has ended, but it sounds like Ryan is going to be working with Matt and Mark, and Matt is going to continue with his own channel as well as helping Mark.

Daniel was only 21, so his life was cut tragically short.  He was an amazing musician and really funny.

I know this is long, but I feel I need to say one more thing.  Please, if you ever feel that you have no one to turn to, and you feel that suicide is the only option, please know that it's not.  There are several resources out there, and you're not alone.  So many people want to and can help you, but you have to reach out.  Please seek help before making that decision.  There's always something to live for, you just need to find it.  If nothing else, you can type "Suicide" into Google and you'll find help.  Don't do anything without seriously considering it.  I know it hurts, but suicide is never the only option.

Sometimes I wonder: June Poem

Sometimes I wonder if we've met

Maybe somewhere distant, or right here

Sometimes I wonder if we know each other

From the past...or will in the future

Sometimes I wonder if I've ever seen you

Or dreamt of you, or imagined you

Sometimes I wonder if I met you, would I know

Would I know if you were the one

Would you know if I was the one

Would we know it was right, it was ours

Would I know what to say

Would you know what to do

Would we know if it was time

Sometimes I wonder if I'll ever find you

Sometimes I wonder if you'll ever find me

Sometimes...I wonder

Almuñécar: May's Poem

A beautiful place so far away from home

I listen to the waves crash against the rocks

As I watch the sun rise in the distance

I feel as though something has been calling me here

Calling my name, though I didn't know it until now

I turn my focus to the waves, and everything is calm

Everything that I've been worrying about is gone

My breathing is in time with each wave upon the shore

Wave goes out, inhale, wave comes in, exhale

The sea waves to me, and I smile inside

I didn't know you could miss something you've never seen

Yet it feels as though I've been waiting for this my whole life

I know it's almost time to go home, and happiness isn't there

I miss my family and my friends, but I will miss this too

I feel as though I'm going to leave a part of me here

One day, I'll have to come back and share it with others

For now, I'll just spend what time I have with the sea

Mindful Walking: April's Poem

I close my eyes and take a step

Feeling the squish of my shoe

Hearing the slight squeak as I step down

I take a deep breath and let it go slowly

As I lift up the other foot, keeping my eyes closed

Squish, squeak, squish, squeak

All other thoughts try to invade, but I don’t push them away

Instead I try to let them in with an open mind, then focus again

Squish, squeak, breathe.  Squish, squeak, breathe.

I keep my eyes closed as I feel the soft breeze blow my hair

And notice the sweet smell of Spring in the air

Squish.  Breathe.  Squeak.  Breathe.

Finally, I stop and let my eyes slowly open

The boulder I've been carrying seems to have been lifted off my shoulders

I stretch and smile, feeling light and at peace.


About this poem:
I've been learning about mindfulness and how it helps deal with depression, stress, and anxiety.  It's my new favorite thing.  If you haven't heard about it, I suggest Googling it and learning more about it.  It has helped me so much this semester.  That's what this poem is about, how I feel and what I experience when I do something called "Mindful Walking."

The Door

I discovered a door today
A door that's been there the whole time
Abandoned, neglected, and hidden
Out of sight, out of mind as they say
The hinges were rusted shut and the key was gone
However, someone came along
Started looking for the key
I told him to stop, but he wouldn't listen
I knew it would be painful if he opened the door
I ignored his suggestions that it would be okay
He found the key and unlocked the door
The hinges were as rusted as I thought
I pulled open the door, and it hurt
Yet it didn't hurt as badly as I expected
We entered the room together
I hadn't been in this room before, yet it was familiar
There were many, many more doors in this room
Some of them marked "DANGER" in big letters
Others were like the first door, hidden and locked
And others were wide open, inviting and pretty inside
I wanted to go in the open rooms, but he told me no
He said we needed to explore the dangerous ones first
I knew this was best, and he led the way
I'm still discovering all the rooms, but mostly by myself now
I've grown strong enough to face any dangers the rooms hold
Yet I couldn't have done it without his help and guidance
Without him, I wouldn't have ever opened the first door

9-13-14

Dedicated to my friends, Sheilia, who pointed out the door, and Kevan, who found the key

Robert Thompson: March Poem

The best of friends hold our hands for a while

Leave imprints on our soul, like footprints on wet concrete

When they leave this Earth, they take part of our soul with them

Each beating of our heart seems to hurt, each breath seems painful

We cry for our loneliness, our longing for them to be back

Others try to comfort us, but nothing seems to ease the pain

Only time makes us stronger, strong enough to stand back up

The tears still come, the pain is still there

We have good days where we can smile and remember the good times

Yet we still have bad days where we feel the stabbing in our hearts all over again

We keep moving forward though, one foot in front of the other

That is what our friend would want, for us to keep going

The pain will never go away, the hurt and sorrow will never cease

But we get strong enough to bear it and continue on

A song, a smell, a forbidden memory can set us off, but we'll be ok

No matter how badly it hurts, it's important to remember those things

They are gone from this Earth, and we will miss them deeply

But we will forever hold their memories in our hearts

Until we meet again

Dedicated to Robert Thompson

My best friend and 2nd father
Forever missed and forever loved
1946-2015

Dear Cupid: Feb poem

This poem might be a bit cynical but hey...it's all in fun! :)

I don’t know why I was excluded

All these others with stars in their eyes

Men, women, even children

The day named after a saint long ago

The day I dread year after year

Why do you keep passing me over

I deserve love, too

The maddeningly happy baby with the saggy diaper

You’d better watch your back, kid

Jan poem

I know it's late but here's my January poem!  I don't have a title yet, I felt Winter Rain was too cliche and I wasn't feeling anything else...so for now it's untitled.

Winter rain doesn't make sense

Why are you not white and fluffy

Melting as soon as you hit the ground

Winter is supposed to mean ice

Snowball fights and cute snowmen

Instead we get wet sidewalks

Where have you gone Winter

Why is Spring invading so early

Don’t mock me sky